Well, I took me a woman late last night,
I's three-fourths drunk, she looked all right.
'Til she started peeling off her onion gook,
She took off her wig, said, 'How do I look?'
I's half-flying . . . bare-naked . . .
Out the window!
Well, sometimes I might get drunk,
Walk like a duck and smell like a skunk.
Don't hurt me none, it don't hurt my pride.
'Cause I got my little lady right by my side.
(She's a-tryin' to hide
Pretendin' she don't know me)
I's out there paintin' on the old woodshed
When a can a black paint it fell on my head.
I went down to scrub and rub
But I had to sit in the back of the tub.
(Cost a quarter
Half-price)
Well, my telephone rang it would not stop,
It's President Kennedy callin' me up.
He said, 'My friend, Bob, what do we need to make the country grow?'
I said, 'My friend, John, Brigitte Bardot,
Anita Ekberg,
Sophia Loren.'
(Country'll grow)
Well, I got a woman four feet short,
She yells and hollers and screams and snorts.
She tickles my nose, pats me on the head,
Rolls me over and kicks me out of bed.
(She's a man-eater
A meat-grinder
Bad looser)
Oh, there ain't no use in me workin' all the time
I got a woman who works herself blind.
Works up to her britches
Up to her neck
Writes me letters and sends me checks
(She's a humdinger
Folk singer)
Late one day in the middle of the week,
Eyes were closed I was half asleep.
I chased me a woman up the hill,
Right in the middle of an air raid drill.
(I jumped the fallout shelter
I jumped a string bean
I jumped a TV dinner
I jumped a shotgun)
Now, the man on the stand he wants my vote,
He's a-runnin' for office on the ballot note.
He's out there preachin' in front of the steeple,
Tellin' me he loves all kinds-a people.
(He's eatin' bagels
He's eatin' pizza
He's eatin' chitlins)
Oh, I set me down on a television floor,
I flipped the channel on to number four.
Out of the shower comes a football man
With a bottle of oil in his hand.
(Greasy kid's stuff.
What I want to know, Mr Football Man, is
What do you do about Willy Mays?
Martin Luther King?
Oula Tunjee?)
Well, the funniest woman I ever seen
Was the great-granddaughter of Mr Clean.
She takes about fifteen baths a day,
Wants me to grow a mustache on my face.
(She's insane)
Taken from AlbumSongAndLyrics.comWell, you ask me why I'm drunk all the time,
It levels my head and eases my mind.
I just walk along and stroll and sing,
I see better days and I do better things.
(I catch dinosaurs
Make love to Elizabeth Taylor . . .
Catch hell from Richard Burton!)