Translation of Pretzel logic by Steely Dan

From:

I would love to tour the Southland in a trav'ling minstrel show
Yes, I'd love to tour the Southland in a trav'ling minstrel show
Yes, I'm dying to be a star and make them laugh
Sound just like a record on a phonograph
Those days are gone forever, over a long time ago, oh, yeah - hey hey

I have never met Napoleon, but I plan to find the time
I have never met Napoleon, but I plan to find the time, yes I do
'Cause he looks so fine upon that hill
They tell me he was lonely, he's lonely still
Those days are gone forever, over a long time ago, oh, yeah

I stepped up on the platform, the man gave me the news
He said, "you must be joking son, where did you get those shoes?
Where did you get those shoes?"
Well, I seen him on the TV, the movie show
They say the times are changin' but I just don't know
These things are gone forever, over a long time ago, oh, yeah
Oh, yeah - hey hey
Translate to:

I would love to tour the Southland in a trav'ling minstrel show
Yes, I'd love to tour the Southland in a trav'ling minstrel show
Yes, I'm dying to be a star and make them laugh
Sound just like a record on a phonograph
Those days are gone forever, over a long time ago, oh, yeah - hey hey

I have never met Napoleon, but I plan to find the time
I have never met Napoleon, but I plan to find the time, yes I do
'Cause he looks so fine upon that hill
They tell me he was lonely, he's lonely still
Those days are gone forever, over a long time ago, oh, yeah

I stepped up on the platform, the man gave me the news
He said, "you must be joking son, where did you get those shoes?
Where did you get those shoes?"
Well, I seen him on the TV, the movie show
They say the times are changin' but I just don't know
These things are gone forever, over a long time ago, oh, yeah
Oh, yeah - hey hey